First off, I’d like to apologize for getting this posted a few days late - St.Patty’s day was a huge obstacle as you can expect I did my fair share of partying (click here for exhibit A). This weekend was pretty crazy…crazier than normal as I had a ton of bday parties to check out, so club hoppin’ was necessary. My first stop is a place that I like to check out from time to time called Harlot.
(that’s me in the back)
Positives: Harlot is a pretty trendy place, I most certainly put it in the higher-end venue category (think Slide, Vessel, Infusion, etc). The aesthetics are pretty nicely done, they stay true to the “Harlot” theme and there’s a giant picture of the naked “Harlot” right behind the DJ booth (honestly, she ain’t my type, but hey, there’s someone out there for everyone right?). I also like the red and black accents, which are becoming more popular in the clubbing scene (see my review on infusion lounge). There’s an interesting mix of industrial and environmental decor as there are exposed I beams and Deer antler chandeliers, definitely a unique touch. The one thing that absolutely sticks out to me about Harlot is the crowd. They usually do a really good job of getting a very diverse, sexy, and sophisticated crowd into the door. Whenever I’ve been, I always see quite a few cougars as well (which I guess can be either a good or bad thing depending on your personal preference). The dress code is pretty lenient, meaning trendy gear is acceptable, but I still would play it on the safe side and wear more semi-formal attire (i.e. collard shirts). Additionally, there’s always a pretty good DJ here playing a good mix of hits - usually mashups/top 40, but check out their events calendar to double check. Lastly, the guestlist is good all night long, so no need to feel rushed to get to the club.
Negatives: Hmm, where to start. Well, like all high-end nightlife venues in SF there’s a doorman out front who will either be your best friend or worst enemy. I’d advise trying to befriend him in order to minimize your wait time. There’s no way to candy coat it, it’s disorganized outside, very rarely is there even a line, usually all you see is a huge blob of people by the front door chest bumping and proclaiming their importance over the others around them in order to get in faster(* I should state if you get here early enough things aren’t as bad). Of course, they also have a vague male/female ratio policy — so bring your lady friends, and if you can’t, find some already in line…this is a must, unless you like standing outside watching all the pretty people go by. The place is also pretty small, I’ll discuss the interior design more below, but the Harlot experience would be much better if there were more room to mingle. In contrast to a point I made above about the crowd, don’t be surprised if you see more than a few gold diggers here, they have a tendency to swarm this place. For the ladies - there’s also a good amount of rich, older gentlemen that like to throw their resources around to try to overly impress yall PYTs, so keep an eye out for that.
- Location/Transportation: Located centrally in Soma, on Minna (nearest cross is 2nd and Mission). Cabs are pretty numerous in the area, and there’s tons of buses routes near by. Also the bart station is just a few blocks away on Market. Parking is pretty good as well, there’s a huge pay lot right in front of Harlot, and there’s a good amount of street parking on the adjacent streets. Grade: 3.5/5
- Line: I covered this a little bit above, but at peak times they do a horrible job of keeping an organized line out front. Usually you always hear a security guy yell “single file line please” or something like that…oh no, not here. You just have to push your way to the front someone and get the doorman’s attention. I usually aim to get here pretty early - like 10:30, in order to get in quicker. If you get there at around 11- 11:30, it can turn into one of the worst, most dysfunctional, waiting experiences ever. Grade: 1/5
- Interior: I really like the theme and color used on the interior, it just exudes sexy. The main problem however, is the design. To get to the dance floor you have to make your way by the only bar (which is always crowded) and several VIP tables…this pretty much only leaves you with a very narrow path to navigate. For some odd reason the bathrooms aren’t actually in the club, you have to go all the way to the back, exit the club, and turn to the left. I guess they share the bathroom facilities with the restaurant on the other side of the building, it’s just kind of weird to me. Overall there’s just too many hurdles to evade, and for a guy like me, I need space to flap my wings on the dance floor. Grade 2.5/5
- Exterior: There’s a well lit cursive “H” sign out front, which makes this place easy to spot if you know where to look. The outside is pretty elegant in general, bringing a bit of the inside themes outside, giving you a mini preview of what’s to come. There’s also a smoking room that somewhat looks like a cage next to the entrance. Grade 4/5
- Drinks: Drinks are on the higher end ranging from $9 - $12 for a mixed drink and $4 - $5 for a beer. They do have drink specials sometimes, I was able to score a few pineapple somethings for $4…but there was like no alcohol in those bad boys Grade: 2.5/5
- Services: The security team for the most part is pretty good. The doorman can be a handful at times, but I guess that’s his job - just wish he would turn down the rudeness. The hostesses are pretty hot and I think the table service prices are about average ($200 for cheapest bottle of vodka). Coat check is $2 which is pretty good. Grade 2.5/5
- Sound system: There’s only one DJ booth and it’s located all the way in the back of the club under the painting of the Harlot. It’s easy to hold a conversation in here, I think they aim at making it more of a loungy experience, a good thing due to the size of this place. Grade 3/5
- Overall: I wouldn’t put Harlot in my main rotation, but it’s a good place to check out at least once a month. Grade 20.5/35
Here’s the what the Yelpers had to say about Harlot.
